The Truth About 2023
Hello fellow Renegades!
I have been meaning to write this blog for quite some time. When I think about what I want to say and how to say it though I get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. So I will start where I am right now.
I am writing this from a desk facing a window that overlooks a little river in a house where I am pet sitting a dog and three cats. A little over a year ago I left my job as a massage therapist. Everyone keeps asking me how I like retirement! Who said I retired? If I was 30 and left my job to pursue something else nobody would assume I retired. I am not independently wealthy, did not receive any sort of retirement package, nor am I of the age to receive SSI benefits. What I did was I took a leap, with the loving support of Adrienne, and decided to pursue my art more seriously, as well as satisfy my desire to have a dog by getting paid to dog walk and pet sit.
What I didn’t anticipate was entering a dark night of the soul. When I left my job I also left all of my work friends, all of the guests who loved me, and a place that believed in me to succeed for the first time in my life. I had received praise, validation, support, and encouragement for 10 years only to now be at home alone with none of that to empower me. I felt myself lost in grief. My mental health started to suffer. I gained weight. I lost all of the joy I used to feel with running and working out. I couldn’t muster up the energy to do those things. So many trail runs ended up with me crying on the trail. I’d start a workout in our gym, get overwhelmed, start crying and leave the gym. Adrienne has been so incredibly patient with me. I didn’t feel like a renegade. I still don’t feel like a renegade. I have imposter syndrome BIG time.
How can I be a renegade when I am struggling to do any of the things I know are good for me? How can I educate and empower peri and post menopausal women when I am struggling to do this for myself right now? I can’t smile and fake it. It doesn’t feel right. So I am laying it all out here because I know in my heart that I am not alone in this. I know that there are other women out there struggling with some of these same issues. I feel myself coming out of the darkness a bit. I have to say though, It was a little scary. I didn’t recognize myself. I still don’t sometimes. I am 10 years post menopause. Is this hormone related? Is this a post post menopause thing? Is this just me not embracing the over 60 aging process? I don’t want to become a bitter unhappy old woman. I want to be full of love, joyful, vibrant, and happy in my skin as I age. I am on a mission to find balance in my life and my relationship with Adrienne. I am changing and I’m not exactly sure how or why. In Chinese culture 60 years marks one full cycle of life. Traditionally, the 60th birthday is seen as the beginning of a new life cycle. I turned 61 in December. In a way, it does feel like I am experiencing a painful re-birth and starting life all over again.
How am I getting through this with some semblance of sanity? Well, sometimes I don’t feel very sane! Adrienne and I are talking a lot. She is a wealth of knowledge, information, and love. Unfortunately, I am simply not as dedicated, committed, and persistent with what I know that I need to be doing for myself. I’m still on the struggle bus with it all. I had been trying to get back to who I was, but I realized that there is no going back. I need to discover who and how I want to BE moving forward. I know that I find peace, solace, and healing in art. Maybe I am shedding my old skin in order to finally be the artist I have been afraid to be my whole life. I’m also trying to figure out what role running and working out have in my life right now. I’m taking it slow, and making sure I do something instead of nothing. I did start swimming again! I had tried over the past year but found myself in a state of anxiety over it. One time I drove to the pool and couldn’t get out of my car so I cried myself back home. This is a me I don’t recognize and I’m having a hard time not judging. But I finally DID get into a pool! It was a huge accomplishment. And guess what? Swimming feels really good on my body. I hope that I can keep it up and get back into some lakes this summer because I’d like to do a swim/run event with Adrienne this year. It all depends on if I can find within me the wherewithal to swim and run with some level of consistency.
I’m sharing all of this because I want you to know that even a badass renegade can go through a dark night of the soul and question who they are. I’m sharing this because aging gracefully sometimes isn’t easy. We don’t realize how much social media, advertising, and societal messaging affect our mental health. I’m sharing this because no matter how much we talk about the importance of women coming together and supporting each other I still don’t see much evidence of it. And no matter how much we talk about depression and suicide I still don’t see people reaching out to each other in times of need. I’m saying this because we all need to talk more, share more, communicate and commune with each other more.
It takes a village to be a woman in this world and age gracefully. Let’s band together, Renegades, and kick stereotypical aging in the pants!
Tips for maneuvering mental health issues:
practice daily gratitude
move your body
drink water
eat healthy
read
journal
create something. art heals.
get enough sleep
shower and visualize all of the negativity and darkness going down the drain
talk to someone
seek help if necessary
It’s never too late to grow, improve, take a leap, or live the life of your dreams. If life and aging suck right now, trust me when I say that it will get better. This too shall pass. Just like the rain eventually clears to make room for the sun, things will get better and a rainbow might appear if you just hang on. I can feel the sun beginning to make an appearance in my life again.
Blog Post Title One
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Blog Post Title Two
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Blog Post Title Three
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Blog Post Title Four
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.